photo by The Pulp Girls
photo by The Pulp Girls

Nowhere in the Helpful Handbook of Being a Teenage Girl does it say that you have to stay friends with people. At least not in my edition. I feel like there’s always pressure to keep your friends. Have them accumulate over time. Whether it’s your middle school BFF that you don’t click with at all anymore or your new college friend from 3 months earlier whose presence you don’t particularly enjoy. Just like romantic relationships can be broken off at any moment in time, so can friendships. And I’m not saying that it has to be bitter or mean or hurtful, but it is easy to just get sick of someone.

As I went through the motions of switching high schools and eventually starting college, I met a lot of people and made a lot of new friends (and even more Facebook friends, because we all know that’s what really counts). Some of them really stuck, and some didn’t. And some were toxic, so I purposely removed myself from the relationship. When you’re a teenager, the most important thing to work on is yourself. (And obviously learning how to apply red lipstick perfectly in the dark, a moving vehicle and while on the toilet.) But the people around you can make you forget that. Friendships can become tough and sometimes they can hold you back from becoming the total badassly awesome human being that you’re turning into. Obviously there are people in this world that you meet and they bring actual fucking sunshine into your life. Those people are keepers. Keep them. But you don’t need to keep everyone in your back pocket because it will just weigh you down. With some people there’s just a limit on how much you can handle. You’re allowed to get sick of people; the same way that you get sick of a certain song or clothing item. I’m not trying to say that friendships are disposable, but sometimes they have to be. If you and an old friend have literally nothing to say to each other anymore, it’s okay to move on. If you find that someone you’ve recently started hanging out with is a bad influence on your character and you want distance, it’s a good thing to make the right choice. If you have a friend getting on your nerves and after discussing it you take a little ‘break’ from each other, that’s totally cool too. No one is perfect and people can be annoying so if you’re having a problem with a friend, chances are that that person is having a tough time with you as well.

Friendships are supposed to be beautiful additions in your life. It’s unnecessary feel the pressure to keep hanging around people that make you sick. We’re young and still figuring our shit out, we don’t need to waste time hanging around people who make us mad or irritated. So your mom’s good friend’s daughter is a girl you grew up with, but her opinions infuriate you, you don’t really need to be around her if you don’t want to. If you’re old enough to realize who you kind of sort of think you are or want to be, you know what kind of people you want to be around. So don’t force yourself to do otherwise. It might feel bittersweet to let go of old buddies, but we all do it sometimes. (Because sometimes they also just suck.) It’s healthy to reflect on certain people and say to yourself ‘you know what I’m totally sick of his/her attitude bringing me down’ and decide to take a break or create some distance. You are your number one priority and you want everyone in your life to help you blossom into the lil babely butterfly you’re meant to be.

Just please don’t look anyone in the eye and tell them how fucking sick you are of them. It doesn’t really go over well for anyone. Unless you’re into that sort of thing. In which case, go forth and conquer.

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July 16, 2013