I’m really really tired. My campers are really really cute. I’ve been making more work friends lately which is actually fun and a good way to pass the time until I move into my dorm in the end of August. Lately my mind has just been so clouded with all these thoughts and desires to get out of where I am. I’m so sick of being who I am where I live with the people I know. That sounds bad. This summer I’ve actually been with some real cool folks. I guess small town blues are getting to me. And being underage is a BUMMER. But still I always have this underlying theme of being sick of where I am. It doesn’t really go away. There’s always the want to fly away into some fairytale land (probably just Europe) and explore new places and people. Not that I’ve never left the country. But being yourself in the same place over and over again is boring. I mean, that’s life, but I want to go someplace exciting and be a new exciting person. I’m sick of being myself all the time; it’s exhausting. I get jealous of anyone who leaves their hometown and spends time in someplace new. Or not in the States. (Disclaimer: one of my dreams is to spend a summer in California.) My little sister is currently in Oxford with a crowd of other teens taking classes and other cool stuff like that. Being in high school has its perks – like not really needing a summer job – I wish I spent more high school summers away from home.
I really love my summer home and the town I live in for these hazy months, but with all this time out of the classroom, I wish I just did something more experiential – I want to be more insane. How ironic. My current goal is to plan my next summer (wherein I will need to attend summer classes) in Italy or somewhere beautiful where I won’t take a gross C train to get everywhere. I don’t know. Making money is also ideal. College and concerts. You get me. I’m just hoping that this anti-homesickness will leave me when I get back to Manhattan. It would be a waste to waste the city like that. Knowing myself, I doubt this aching will ever be outgrown, but I can always ignore it for a bit. I think a large part of me just wants to be a different person, but being in the same place keeps me from doing that. YEAH, I phrased that in a way that makes total sense. I’m really just sick of myself. That’s probably why I am constantly starting over somewhere new. I go to a school, dislike who I am in that setting, and leave. At least I have totally healthy habits. Ha. Not.
Subway by Yeah Yeah Yeahs is a good fucking song.
CREDIT FOR COLLAGE: (that I have)