Cosmic Illustration by Aimee Books
illustration by Aimee Bee Brooks

Aries – Food service. Unless you can find an all-new, trailblazing, innovative way of being a cashier or some shit, Aries is not about that life.
Gemini – Anything where they have to sit down too long at once. And anything that’s too permanent. Would probably be really shitty stay at home moms/dads (though they’re pretty fucking chill parents in general.)
Taurus – Fitness instructor. Unless you can drink champagne and teach yoga at the same time. Taurus is all about enjoying earthly delights – none of that barebones, juice cleanse shit.
Cancer – Entrepreneur. Cancers are like, whatever when it comes to self-direction, but they’re much better at teamwork and need pretty constant stimulation from other people – they can’t deal with anything too solitary, and hate to make decisions on their own without support.
Leo – Assistant. Leo needs an assistant pretty much just by existing.
Virgo – Virgos are flexible and tend to be pretty fucking good at their jobs – it’s just balancing work with real life that they suck at.
Libra – Lawyer. Libra can see both sides of an issue, but hates to come down too strongly on one-side or the other. They might make the mistake of deliberating in the middle of making their closing arguments. However, if they have a strong, opinionated fire sign makeup in other planets, they might make particularly gifted lawyers. (Clearly I have a lot of Libra in my chart, because I can’t decide if they’d be terrible or great at it.)
Scorpio – psychologist. They’d sugarcoat their thoughts opportunely or, alternatively, project their own shit all over the damn walls. Additionally, generally Scorpios shouldn’t be placed in a position where they can power trip.
Sagittarius – Elementary school teacher. They’re incredibly impatient and would curse too much, worse case scenario they’d be throwing rulers and chalk around. Plus, they’re a tad scatterbrained and require a lot of physical activity in order to not get restless.
Capricorn – A pop star, celebrity, or anything where they’re the center of attention.
Aquarius – Doctor. Aquarius wouldn’t have good bedside manners with their own dying mother. They’re blunt and tend to word vomit in a way that wouldn’t please most patients.
Pisces – Accountant. Too boring. No unicorns.

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June 8, 2013


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